


Something To Believe In

by LLReid



Category: Bloodbound (Visual Novels)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Grief, Grief/Mourning, Vampires, wives!!!, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23471242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LLReid/pseuds/LLReid
Summary: Kamilah visits her wife at work.Inspired by Dua Lipa’s song ‘Homesick’.~~~~~“Is there any particular reason you’re sprawled on the floor or is this just another one of your quirks that I, as an unconditionally loving and supportive wife, just have to accept?,” Kamilah said as a means of announcing her presence as she wandered into Anastasia’s new office at Raines Corp that she’d been given after receiving a promotion. Her wife was laying face down on the floor by the windows, fiddling with the ends of the curtains. It was bizarre behaviour, even for someone as quirky as she was.Puzzled, she drank in the sight of her... and she had to admit the girl looked amazing in the skinny jeans she was wearing. The denim clung tightly to her hips and followed the subtle lines of some remarkable thighs, that she knew were covered in lingering bite marks from their date night only hours before. And although she made a point of not directly checking out her rear, her peripheral vision was having a very good day. A very good day, indeed.
Relationships: Kamilah Sayeed/Anastasia Sayeed, Kamilah Sayeed/Anastasia Swann, Kamilah Sayeed/Main Character (Bloodbound)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Something To Believe In

It was such a strange and wonderful thing, married life. After more than two thousand years of not feeling very much at all, to have found the love of her life at long last had done Kamilah the world of good. She had discovered life sometimes has a way of giving you what you need, but not in the form you expect. She simply had to wait for the universe to create someone special. Someone who would make her heart feel as if it had been trampled by elephants, thrown into the amazon, and eaten by piranhas all at once.

She never imagined that she would be the sort to want morning, noon, and nightfall with another. To want her tears as much as her smiles, her kisses, the smell of her gorgeous ginger hair, the taste of her skin, the tickle of her breath on her face in the moments after waking. Yet that was exactly what had happened. She wanted Anastasia in any and every way that she could get her. Not because she was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen, or the silliest, or clever in the most unexpected ways, or kind to a fault, or adorable, or powerful— although heaven knew she was each and every one of those things. She wanted her because in two thousand years she had never met anyone just like her, and she never wanted to spend a day without seeing her.

When she found Anastasia, she found her home.

“Is there any particular reason you’re sprawled on the floor or is this just another one of your quirks that I, as an unconditionally loving and supportive wife, just have to accept?,” Kamilah said as a means of announcing her presence as she wandered into Anastasia’s new office at Raines Corp that she’d been given after receiving a promotion. Her wife was laying face down on the floor by the windows, fiddling with the ends of the curtains. It was bizarre behaviour, even for someone as quirky as she was.

Puzzled, she drank in the sight of her... and she had to admit the girl looked amazing in the skinny jeans she was wearing. The denim clung tightly to her hips and followed the subtle lines of some remarkable thighs, that she knew were covered in lingering bite marks from their date night only hours before. And although she made a point of not directly checking out her rear, her peripheral vision was having a very good day. A very good day, indeed.

“Do you ever miss the sun?,” Anastasia asked. “It’s my first summer as a vampire and I can’t go outdoors in the sun. Like, I get that I’m a ginger and should be used to it but... I miss the sun.”

Heaving a sigh, she sat down on the floor beside her and ran her hand through the length of her coppery hair, revelling in the fact that she was the only one Anastasia would allow to touch it, then down her arms and over her blouse, her skin so gloriously dewy that she couldn’t tear her eyes away from her. She’d long since memorised her fingers and the subtle feel of bones in her naturally petite frame. “The first summer is always the hardest, my love. For the most beautiful time of year to suddenly become the most dangerous, it’s a big adjustment... even for gingers.”

At that, Anastasia giggled and rolled onto her back, and she looked up at her with a look she’d never seen on the face of anyone but her. Trust. Love. Respect. Desire. She committed to memory her every expression, the way her hair framed her face, and how her eyelashes fluttered, smiling as Kamilah brushed a thumb across her lower lip. 

“How can one person be so beautiful?,” Kamilah murmured as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to Anastasia’s brow. She had always maintained a cynical facade, using it as a defence against embarrassment, fear, loneliness… but at that moment she felt vulnerable, and it was glorious. She was a new person in the same world she’d been walking for more than two thousand years, which was actually a lot more difficult than being the same person in a new world.

“You still think I’m beautiful even though I’m all pasty?”

She cocked a brow. “You’re a natural ginger. You’ve always been pale.”

“In our meeting this morning Adrian told me that even when I was a mortal I looked more like a vampire than he did,” Anastasia pouted. “So I went onto his phone and changed the predictive text to change the word ‘no’ to the lyrics of Baby Got Back. He’s been losing his shit all day.”

“Ah, so that is what that was,” she snorted. “That was a good one.”

“Jax did it to me one time,” Anastasia smiled, her eyes darting towards the framed photo of him she had on her desk. “The song was released five years before I was born and I’d never heard it, so I was really weirded out and he thought it was hilarious. We laughed about it a lot in Paris, and he made me listen to songs that were released in the seventies, eighties, and nineties... and I made him listen to the songs I grew up with. We— it was a lot of fun.”

A sad smile twitched at the corners of Kamilah’s lips and she reached out to caress her face. It’d come as no surprise to anyone that the younger vampire had fallen apart once the fight with Rheya had finished and the new world where vampires didn’t have to hide had settled. To go through all that she had at the age of twenty-two, to have handled all of that trauma and responsibility so bravely only to have someone who may as well have been her older brother die in her arms after saving her life— well, it was really no wonder that she’d crumbled when the weight of all that she’d done and survived hit her.

“I’m missing him a lot today. I think that’s why I’m laying on the floor and reminiscing about the sun. It’s easier than thinking about the fact he’s gone.”

“I know, my love. I miss him, too... but he... he’d be so proud of you. He really would be.”

“Haven't you ever wished that you could steal back just a few hours of your past?" she asked softly. "That's all I want... just a little taste of what might have been. The whole thing was a train wreck happening right in front of me and I couldn't do anything about it, except that not only was I watching, I was also the train.”

“My love...”

Anastasia sighed and nodded. “It’s coming up on year. Lately I've become so damned distracted that I can't make a decision about anything. I can't think clearly. I've got knots in my stomach, and constant pains in my chest. I just... miss him.”

Effortlessly, Kamilah picked her wife up and drew her into her arms. She felt it when Anastasia’s heart beat slowed to a calm and steady jog, her chin resting on the top of a mass hair as the Bloodkeeper’s breath came back to her, oxygen filling her lungs. Kamilah held her so tightly that for a moment, she knew the grief was at bay. The sadness and fear, the regret and the panic of one who’d suffered far too much for other people’s sins. Kamilah bottled them up inside her embrace so that for a split second Anastasia didn’t have to be the one carrying the weight of them. For that moment, the burden was hers, and Anastasia was free. They fell into oblivion that way, into a world where — for a couple of moments — nothing mattered. Nothing but them.

One of the blessings mortal beings often took for granted was the ability to remember pain without re-feeling it the amount of times vampires had to. Loss was something that Anastasia would have to acquaint herself with, as in a few short decades she would outlive every single mortal she knew. The lives of vampires were safer than ever, but that didn’t change the fact that loss would continue to linger in the wings of their day-to-day lives.

That first excruciating pang pain of the physical wound when they realised Jax was dead was long gone... and the other kind of hurt, the damage done to their spirits, was slowly being healed. They just had to be careful with those scarred places in each other, be patient with each other, and remember that life makes people what they are.

It was the worst part about loving someone, that there would always be things she couldn’t protect her from. Things beyond far beyond Kamilah’s control. Over the course of their relationship she’d realised there is something worse than dying... and that was having something — anything — bad happen to her. She had to live with that fear always, the fear of Anastasia being hurt or sad when all she deserved was to be happy. But she knew that she had to take the bad part, if she wanted all the good parts.

“Your hugs are amazing,” Anastasia mumbled. She whispered her name, and Kamilah was rendered speechless at the perfect way she was looking up at her. She thought of the way they lay together night after night, entwined in each other’s arms. The way she felt... complete... safe. She was so far beyond Kamilah’s idea of perfection that she didn’t even have the words to describe her, and her thoughts couldn’t be torn away from the way she smiled and how she laughed. The way they could say anything that came to mind, or sit together in absolute silence and not ever grow bored of each other — the way that she had changed her entire perspective on love, made her see that the love of one woman could be fulfilling.

“No one's ever told me that I'm a comforting sort. I'll have to do something diabolical soon to correct your impression.”

“Says the woman who wouldn’t let me leave the bed for an hour this morning because she wanted snuggles.”

Playfully, she pinched her arm. She’d never deny the fact that the moment they had to leave their bedroom was an insult to her very existence. She’d much rather spend her days with Anastasia resting against her heart as she watched over her dreams, safe in the knowledge that she’d awaken next to someone who loved her.

“Shhh. I have a reputation to uphold.”

“The world might just catch on fire if anyone found out that Kamilah Sayeed is a snuggler.” Anastasia smiled. The look of experience and confidence suited her, especially because somewhere deep in those eyes, there still lurked a deliciously dangerous invitation to play. She had a quality of feminine confidence that was a thousand times more potent than mere beauty. Perfect goodlooks could leave you cold, but this kind of sexy charisma went straight to the knees. 

“You know too much. I think you'll have to marry me again, Mrs Sayeed."

Anastasia laughed. “To save your reputation?"

Kamilah grinned, bending to kiss the flash of pale throat. "Someone has to make a respectable woman of me.”

They both started giggling and Anastasia pressed a kiss to her jaw. “God, I’m so annoying that I’m even annoying myself today.”

“You don’t annoy me.” Carefully, she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I thought you did, at first. But now I realise it was more like the feeling you get when your foot’s been asleep. And when you start moving, the blood coming back into it is uncomfortable... but also good. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Yes. I make your feet tingle.”

A smile came to her lips and she let a teasing tone enter her voice. “Among other things.” 

A huge smile spread across Anastasia’s face and she giggled, loudly. It was a sweet, natural, brilliant smile, that no one saw from her nearly as often as they once had. Kamilah felt her chest tighten and heat spread through her body, as if she’d drank the world’s strongest vodka and it had gone straight to her head. It was happiness, and it reminded her of the first moment they’d locked eyes — back when she didn’t want to feel it and yet that giddy warmth had continued washing over her.

“You know, before meeting you I always started every day by going to the window for a glimpse of the sky. But now I don’t have to."

"Why not?,” Anastasia asked softly.

She smiled, tracing the elegant column of her neck. A slow but steady throb lay beneath her searching fingertips. Her heartbeat... the pulse that sustained her universe. “Because I see the blue of your eyes instead.”

"You’re so romantic," the Bloodkeeper murmured with a grin, kissing her lips gently. "But don't worry. I won't tell anyone.”

Kamilah huffed in amusement. Many times in life she’d regretted the things she’d said without thinking. But she’d never regretted the things she said nearly as much as the words she left unspoken, and after everything they’d gone through she’d vowed to never leave anything unsaid between them.

Anastasia nuzzled her neck and Kamilah hummed, quietly content with how her life had turned out. Part of her knew this is what her soul had always craved, even in her darkest and most twisted days. She gently turned Kamilah’s face to her, her blue eyes searching, and it occurred to her that no one in her whole life had ever concerned themselves so thoroughly with her happiness and wellbeing.

She’d never told her so, but the moment Anastasia had come into her life she had found her worst weakness: she was one of those unfortunate people who was desperate to be needed, to matter to someone. She’d spent so long not truly mattering to very many people at all, never being somebody’s first choice, feeling the kind of loneliness that can happen in a roomful of people when everyone but her seemed to be in on the good time.

All her life she’d waited for that moment, to look into someone’s eyes and know that she was found. 

She’d once thought that loving someone was weakness, convinced herself that opening herself up to Anastasia would be a mistake. But she now knew that in a moment of weakness, it was incredibly easy for one to surprise themselves. She’d thought for a while that she deserved someone better than her. Someone young and idealistic… someone unjaded who could experience things for the first time along with her. Kamilah was not always kind, and she had far more faults than she’d ever care to name. But one think she knew for certain was that she would want Anastasia until her last breath.

“Not that I don’t love the fact that you’re here, darling, but didn’t you have a shit load of meetings today? You know, with that company from Milan—“

“I did,” she shrugged. It was evidently Kamilah’s turn to blush, as she felt warmth flooding to her cheeks as her heart fluttered. There were some experiences in life they hadn’t invented the right words for yet, and being in the arms of the woman who loved her so much was one of them. The love and peace that she felt filled every part of her, breathed the air from her lungs and had left handprints on her soul. It was almost more pleasure than she could bear. “But I missed you and texting just wasn’t cutting it for me. I can’t leave you alone. I want to be with you every hour, every minute of the day.”

Anastasia giggled. “God, you’re adorable.”

She groaned, although it was more out of principle than anything else. Never in her whole life had anyone ever said such soft things to her. People were always too intimidated by her self-possession and cut-throat demeanour. People would call her sexy or hot at least a handful of times every day but no one else would ever dream of calling her adorable, sweet, darling... and certainly no one had ever made her feel that way.

Using the ends of her hair, she tickled Anastasia’s face in retaliation, revelling in the squirming and high pitched giggles. Any time she saw her smiling or heard her laughing she was reminded of just how much of a miracle it was that she even had her, of the fact that her prayers had been answered for the first time in her life when Anastasia had risen from the dead after four days of the most suffocating grief.

She thought back to those four days, recalling how she’d drank herself to oblivion. Recalling how part of her wanted to hate Anastasia for all of the years she thought she’d have to live without her. She still didn’t know how a heart could ache as much as hers had then and still go on beating, how she could feel as bad as she did then without immediately turning to ash with the weight of it.

Perhaps only those who had loved and lost could truly appreciate the special sort of magic love allowed but a select few to see. She reflected that for all the people she had lost touch with or simply couldn't hold on to, life occasionally made up for it by giving one the right person at the right time.

“I love you,” she whispered, resting her forehead against her temple. She wasn't entirely certain if she was surrendering to Anastasia or to her own passions for her. Only that there was no more holding back, and there never would be again. She would love her and she would keep her. And she would give her everything she had to give, every part of her ancient soul, even the broken pieces.

“I love every single part of you, Kamilah, every memory and word and thought... the entire complex bundle of everything that you are.” Her voice was quiet and breathy as she spoke, as if she were spilling something secret for the first time. “It’s really cool because, like, before meeting you I didn’t even know it was possible to look at someone and want them with twenty different kind of needs all at once! I love the way you are now and the thought of how you’ll be in centuries from right now. You’re the answer to every question that my heart could ever ask.”

Her eyes stung as she stared at her, whilst need and inexhaustible tenderness gathered like an ache in her body. “I haven’t told you this, but I realised something,” she said huskily, “when you were fighting Rheya and I was standing on that stage watching you helplessly.” She swallowed the thickness in her throat. “I really thought that I was going to lose you again, and I would rather have died in your arms than face eternity without you. All those endless years… all those winters, summers… a hundred seasons of wanting you and never being able to have you. Growing yet another year older and never changing, while you stayed eternally young in my memories.” She bit her lip and shook her head, while her eyes flooded. “Do you remember on one of the first nights that we spent together when I told you I didn’t know where I belonged?”

“I do.”

“I was wrong when I told you that. I was lying to myself. I knew— I know. With you, my love. Nothing matters except being with you. You’re stuck with me forever.” She managed a tremulous smile. “I love you beyond earth, heaven, or hell. Every moment out of your company is agony; every moment with you is the only peace I have ever known. Every touch of your hands leaves an imprint that eats down to my soul.“

“I love you so much, Kami,” she brushed her lips teasingly against hers.

"How much?,” she smirked. She made a slight sound, as if the soft kiss had affected her intensely.

"Without limit. Beyond forever. I’ll love you every day for the rest of my life.”

\- fin.


End file.
